Homeschooling isn’t going great but at least my son has learned the skill of hiding in the bathroom in case he has kids one day
me: I’m working on a romcom about mansplaining
agent: what’s it called
me: Actually Love
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If weddings were for couples there would be men’s wedding magazines.
WIFE: omg someone’s broken in!
ME *bravely grabs baseball bat from under the bed* wait here
FRIEND: Can’t you just tell her you want to play baseball?
ME: Keep your voice down
Candlesticks, for when you want to be stylish but also might need a murder weapon.
Boss: Your CV says eggs, milk, bread
Me: That’s right
[cut to supermarket]
Wife: Excuse me, where are the attention to details?
horrifying if literal: the electric slide
in a world where big data threatens to commodify our lives,. telling online surveys that i “Dont know” what pringles are constitutes Heroism
Copy Editor is a rewording career.
I hate reality shows. Like this one, for instance, called “The News.”