If he marries someone else, raises a family, and leads a very fulfilling life, maybe he’s just not that into you.
ME IN PUBLIC: I don’t believe in ghosts.
ME WHEN I’M ALONE AND HEAR ANY CREAK IN THE HOUSE: Pappy?
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I’m a fairly bold person, but not “first person to clap during a pause in a fine arts performance” bold
If you want to catch a bus you have to *think* like a bus.
“YEP, that’s a poop alright!”, and other phrases you’d prefer not to hear coming from the 3 year old’s room.
I don’t care how many stars this restaurant has, I’m ordering the grilled cheese sandwich
I quit my job yesterday. Lucky for me I didn’t tell anybody and I was able to go to work this morning when I got up
The guy I paid to pave my driveway hasn’t shown up in two weeks.
I’m not worried tho. I’m sure he’ll resurface one day.
Her: I’m a vegetarian but I love a cheeseburger once in a blue moon.
Me: Cool. I’m a good person except for the occasional knife attack.
My Dyslexic Cat thinks she has ” P ” no. of lives.
Me: Watcha got there?
Me: What kind?