ME: It’s been suggested that you are the average of the 5 people that you spend the most time around. Over time, you actually become similar to them.

ZOOKEEPER: Get out of the penguin exhibit or I am calling the cops.

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“if you could dinner with any scientist, alive or dead, which one would it be?”




SEA WITCH URSULA: Your voice is mine mwaahahaha!!!

ARIEL: *flicks eyes up; keeps texting*


Calm down hipsters who clear your throats while pronouncing hummus. You bought it at Whole Foods, not a bazaar in Marrakech.


I only do cardio because it’s impossible to stalk someone you can’t keep up with.


“Scientology” is a combination of “scient-,” meaning “science,” and “-ology,” meaning “science.” And it just gets stupider from there.


Say it with flowers.

If that doesn’t work, say it with arson.


All my friends look like a Victoria’s Secret model and I look like a Victoria sponge cake