“if you could dinner with any scientist, alive or dead, which one would it be?”
ME: It’s been suggested that you are the average of the 5 people that you spend the most time around. Over time, you actually become similar to them.
ZOOKEEPER: Get out of the penguin exhibit or I am calling the cops.
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Gay test: are you gay ?
If you answered yes, then you’re gay.
LITTLE MERMAID 2016:
SEA WITCH URSULA: Your voice is mine mwaahahaha!!!
ARIEL: *flicks eyes up; keeps texting*
Calm down hipsters who clear your throats while pronouncing hummus. You bought it at Whole Foods, not a bazaar in Marrakech.
I only do cardio because it’s impossible to stalk someone you can’t keep up with.
“Scientology” is a combination of “scient-,” meaning “science,” and “-ology,” meaning “science.” And it just gets stupider from there.
If you’re happy and you know it….it’s the wine.
Say it with flowers.
If that doesn’t work, say it with arson.
My birthstone is a marshmallow.
All my friends look like a Victoria’s Secret model and I look like a Victoria sponge cake