Your word is “spider”
Can you use it in a sentence?
“A spider has eight eyes.”
Me: it’s time to go to sleep
3: Nope, I don’t think so
Me: who asked you?!
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*travels back to 1930’s*
okay and that’s why you’ve got to kill hitler
FBI: wait so you can just look at naked lady videos anytime you want
Receptionist: The doctor will see you now.
Me: *applying camouflage paint* I very much doubt that.
The old saying about pissed off waiters applies to everyone really. I’m fairly certain the guy at Home Depot just spit on my mulch.
-first day at NASA-
colleagues: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
me: do you guys do this in every elevator
Of course I have body issues, I can’t explode into a thousand crows.
My kids teach me something every day. Today my 1-year-old taught me how much plumbers cost per hour. Who flushes a potato?
teacher: your son said you threatened to beat him?
me: at checkers!
teacher: and forced him to sleep outside?
me: we went camping!
teacher: and made up his peanut allergy so he couldn’t share your snickers?
me: yeah, that one I did
Hey girl, are you pineapple on pizza because a lot of people say you are disgusting but I kind of like you?
“I’m going to slide in and go back and forth until you’re satisfied”