do you actually wanna go to grad school or are you just depressed and were trained to find (fleeting) fulfillment in academic success
me: I’ve got a date tonight and I need all the help I can get
her: you look nice
barber, from under the table: tell her she looks nice too
You Might Also Like
Started saying “see ya next year” to everyone. Seems to really creep people out when they have no idea who the hell you are
Sorry for all the mean things I said when I was driving.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
I walk into the bathroom only to be greeted by my dad’s masterpiece
My tall sister took the vodka out of the cupboards above the fridge.
I always thought those doors were just there for decoration.
She left me because I am insecure.
No wait, she’s back.
She just went to get a glass of water.
Me: This horsey sauce barely tastes like horse at all
Mgr: *adding horse shavings* Tell me when
I think the reason giraffes don’t ride in hot air balloons is that their faces would probably get fried off in that flame thing.
DOCTOR: We were all out of blood for your transfusion so we used Mountain Dew
ME: [I don’t hear bc I already snowboarded out the window]