Waiter: And what would the lady like?
Date: Gigi, he means you.
Me: *blushing* Oh, wow. He called me a lady.
me: *keeps bumping the back of my hand against his trying to get him to hold mine*
death: quit it
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Twitter is the social media version of Grease. Ya know, 40 year old people acting like they’re still in high school.
ME: I prepared some questions to get to know you
ME: What’s the capital of Honduras?
ME:[writing] bad at geo-
Conan: The US is on pace 2 b the world’s largest producer of oil. So if history has taught us anything, the US will soon be invading the US.
Me: Coke please
Server: Sorry we don’t have Coke. Is vodka ok?
Me: Why yes, yes it is
I suffer from a rare condition called OCDC, which forces me to salute all of those who are about to rock.
I was going to do the dishes but they weren’t in the mood.
Thank God there are no Bible verses shorter than 140 characters.
Came home from work early and caught my inflatable girlfriend cheating on me with the beachball.
Yeah, sure, I use made-up words sometimes. Does that make you