@lisaxy424

me: let’s go to bed earlier like responsible adults
brain: great idea

[10pm]

me: so do we just like lay here or what
brain: i have no idea

You Might Also Like

@FuckabillyRex

If you’re the kinda person that gets antsy when people stand on an escalator instead of walking, try a blood curdling scream, they’ll move.

@RatBatallion

If you’re having a bad day , just remember …

All of you are funnier than Dane Cook .

@MUMSIEesq

Fun DIY Project Even YOU Can Do
Step 1: Flip over empty wine bottle
Step 2: Use base as weapon

@TheRolo

If I check out your blog, what will you do for me? Love me? Ok fine, but you’re telling my mom we’re going out.

@Dadpression

Asked my kid what kind of donut he wanted and his answer was “six.”

@robfee

(At a funeral)
Im so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose something you love. Last year Taylor Swift took her music off Spotify.

@doooiiiit

How long do I have to sleep before I’m legally a bear?

@EricaTheThor

Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.

@sock_holliday

I’ve just completed a cohort study that confirms people can go longer without sex if they have an adequate supply of chocolate and peanut butter

I call it my Reese’s Thesis

@ruff_bluffs

Me: I like the funny horse cartoon

Bojack: you inherit your parents’ trauma but you will never fully understand it

Me: haha the cops a cat