@OctopusCavemann: [2 men standing in an empty basement together] Man 1: “Alright, maybe we should tell a few people about Fight Club.”

@AlsBoy: Guys, don't let this headphones thing mislead you, women that aren't wearing them probably don't want to talk to you either

@primawesome: "Bro check out that DILP." "Where? Wait what's a DILP?" "Dog I'd Like to Pet."

@lawyerthoughts: If you see me in court you'd think I was furiously taking notes, but 9 times out of 10, I'm usually drawing a t-rex eating a witness.

@ScrambledMceggs: It's only an overdose if you're dead.