Me: look who came by for a little sucky sucky

Vampire: don’t say it like that

You Might Also Like


*Reads your ransom note*

*Edits for grammar and punctuation*


It’s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.


I just wish I had someone who wanted to touch me as much as my shower curtain does.


“My wife and I are SO in love. Always finishing each other’s…”



*Russian accent* “You give me Green Card now, yes?”


Your birth certificate is your very first participation trophy.


Just realized Franz Kafka was a lawyer so he was Kafka, esq.


Joined a street protest.

Suddenly a shot, panic and everybody started running.

3 hours and a gold medal later I realised it was a marathon