*Reads your ransom note*
*Edits for grammar and punctuation*
Me: look who came by for a little sucky sucky
Vampire: don’t say it like that
You Might Also Like
Don’t fall in love. You will get feelings and die.
It’s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
I just wish I had someone who wanted to touch me as much as my shower curtain does.
“My wife and I are SO in love. Always finishing each other’s…”
*Russian accent* “You give me Green Card now, yes?”
Your birth certificate is your very first participation trophy.
Just realized Franz Kafka was a lawyer so he was Kafka, esq.
What do we want?
When do we want it?
Joined a street protest.
Suddenly a shot, panic and everybody started running.
3 hours and a gold medal later I realised it was a marathon