Sorry I’m late, there was a dad yelling at his teenage son for buying $90 jeans and I had to hear every word of it.
ME: Lord, what have I done to deserve this
GOD: *unfurls a scroll that keeps going for miles* Well
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I’m working on my core muscles so I can rise out of a coffin dramatically.
spiderman: bitten by spider
green hornet: bitten by green hornet
gambit: bitten by a gam
magneto: bitten by magnetic toe
Wasted my annual good hair day at work again this year.
I feel like Donald Trump and Bill Clinton have a $1 bet that Trump can make Hillary president and Bill can make her not president.
Ugh, suicidal cannibals are always so full of themselves
i don’t see why i have to clean the shower. imo it is the shower’s job to clean me
It always amuses me when I see tweets from people clearly using words they don’t understand, thus making themselves look aerodynamic.
Friggen “pharmacist” won’t give me over the counter kisses for my boo boos smh
Jokes on them. I took 10.