@Staggfilms

ME, MEETING ANYONE NAMED BLAIR: Hi, I loved your Witch Project.

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@Reverend_Scott

Fun Fact:

The human brain isn’t able to register typos or grammar errors until after hitting teh Send button.

@ShellHasDragons

My husband and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.

@3sunzzz

Nothing says, “I have a lot of free time,” more than someone eating a pomegranate.

@karanbirtinna

No you dumb uncultured idiot, just because I’m an Indian doesn’t mean I use a flying carpet to get around. I use an elephant like everyone else.

@MaidOfBeans

Technically, it’s not gluttony if you refer to it as an “Emotional Support Snack”.

@CloydRivers

Leave it to the idiot hippys to adopt a “holiday” on Hitler’s Birthday. Merica.

@ArfMeasures

INTERVIEWER: We want someone who isn’t just a yes-man, you know what I mean?

ME [clever] no

@abbycohenwl

Gramma: When I was your age, a candy bar was a nickel
Me: That sounds really hard to swallow

@CatherineLMK

Being an adult is like watching a foreign movie with no subtitles in a crowded theater, everyone else knows what’s going on and you just nod

@Kinglrg_

Me rushing back from the bathroom at 3 am so I dont lose any tiredness