Me: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the …
Mirror: Comb your hair.
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I’m so hungry that I can eat a Centaur
Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years
*finds all 7 dragonballs
*dragon appears* “WHAT IS YOUR WIS…OH GODDAMMIT CHAD, FOR THE LAST TIME I CANNOT MAKE PEOPLE RESPECT NICKELBACK”
Mars: I’m wet
NASA: I’m coming over
All microwaveable popcorn packages should be accompanied by dental floss
I am ‘yay my plans to go out got cancelled’ years old
My ex has made me dinner..
*gives a bit to the dog first*