@StillOnTheMoors

Me: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the …
Mirror: Comb your hair.

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@trevso_electric

Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years

@huntigula

*finds all 7 dragonballs

*dragon appears* “WHAT IS YOUR WIS…OH GODDAMMIT CHAD, FOR THE LAST TIME I CANNOT MAKE PEOPLE RESPECT NICKELBACK”

@GeorgiaBarns

All microwaveable popcorn packages should be accompanied by dental floss

@DaddyJew

I am ‘yay my plans to go out got cancelled’ years old