Divorce update: my ex is accusing me of stealing canned soup from our former home
Me: my doctor says if I get annoyed I could die
You: so you can’t watch that YouTube link?
Me: I’m saying it’s dangerous to even send them
You Might Also Like
The best way to be passive aggressive to a trophy store is to order a “Worst Trophy Shop” trophy and then never pick it up.
Me. Every weekend.
The flight attendant keeps saying “Please stop asking for peanuts. Busses don’t have flight attendants.”
I’m surprised my son doesn’t think his name is ‘stopit’
If Pokémon has taught me anything it’s that most of life’s problems can be solved by owning a rat that can electrocute people
Doctor: Would you like a local anesthetic?
Me: No, I’d prefer one from out of town.
They should remake The Ring; instead of a tape, the creepy little girl uploads her video to YouTube and wipes out pretty much everybody.
ISIS, meet ebola. Ebola, meet ISIS. Problem solved.
The biggest issue with mass immigration is all those people are going to make Europe too heavy and it will sink into the ocean, and the see-saw effect will raise the far east into the stratosphere and launch Chinese people into space.
Why is no one talking about this?