*me, getting murdered*
Wife: Could you at least let him take out the garbage first?
ME: My New Year’s resolution is to eat less
ME: (very, very quietly) …vegetables.
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[exchanging xmas gifts]
me: “if you dont open it you can never be disappointed can you?”
schrödinger: “i feel like i brought this on myself”
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I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
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