If I just had a baby and was sitting in a donkey stable in the middle of winter and a little boy started drumming right in my sleeping infant’s face, I would have totally lost my shit.
Me *naked, singing into a shower head*
Karaoke manager: uh, we have a mic
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Hell hath no fury like a woman who stepped on the Legos you promised you’d pick up
*frantically searches around*
WAIT A MINUTE!
THIS FEELS LIKE ONLY 47 PILLOWS!
I won’t slam on my brakes if someone’s tailgating me…I will, however, take my foot off the accelerator and slowly come to a stop.
No bond is stronger than two coworkers who hate the same person.
Coward (adv.): in the direction of the cows
*makes plans with someone*
(30 seconds later) what have I done
Everything brightened up when you came into our presence.
– Food in my refrigerator.
Don’t go chasing waterfalls. *turns on tap* We have their children. They will come to us.
me *eating a piece of cake*
trainer: Where did you get that?