@Kyle_Lippert: [Me narrating a documentary on spiders] OH GOD GROSS OH JESUS DISGUSTING THERE'S ONE ON ME RIGHT NOW ISN'T THERE OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD
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@StormErika: People keep escaping from maximum security jails and I can't even manage to leave 5 minutes early from work.
@PJTLynch: “Very colorful, fun. I’d put it in my mouth” “A bit scary, seems sharp. Still, I’d put it in my mouth” -Baby reviews of stuff on the floor
@iwearaonesie: My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless. It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth