@Whatevah_Amy

Me neighbor and I just exchanged nods acknowledging we’re both wearing the same outfit as yesterday.

Me neighbor and I just exchanged nods acknowledging we’re both wearing the same outfit as yesterday.

- @Whatevah_Amy

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@Contwixt

I think much faster than I speak, so anything you hear me say is probably from a couple years ago or so.

@captainkalvis

Priest: I will now dip the child in the Holy Water

Me (just watched a hot dog eating contest): That makes em go down your throat faster

@Browtweaten

Guy: Welcome to mercenary training. Tell me why you’re here

Man: Money

Woman: Money

Me: *wearing swim floaties* Drove to the wrong YMCA

@suz1973luq

Text exchange: me- we need eggs. hub- how many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.

@egg_dog

good prank: sneak into someone’s house every night over a year and replace thier toilet with a slightly larger one until it fills tthe room

@TheBoydP

Why is it called “fixing a flat” and not “retirement?”

@JUSTLisandra

Having my wisdom teeth pulled.

They have nothing left to teach me.

I must learn on my own from now on.