I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
ME: nice fanny pack u weirdo
KANGAROO: *puts phone in pouch, pulls out a knife*
ME: holy shit
You Might Also Like
I gracefully take off my sports bra as my talent. Everyone is in awe. I win the crown for doing what no woman has done before
Joan of Arc was great, but nothing compared to her sister, Joan of Circumference, who was a much more rounded person.
To those that put something in a closet, close the door, hear something crash and walk away.
You are my people.
When it comes to politics I’m an agnostic. I don’t believe there’s an honest politician nor can I prove that one does not exist.
once i complete this philosophy degree it’s over for you Nietzsches
Sadly learned my family is racist. I started dating a black girl. Brought her home to meet the family. Wife and kids wouldn’t talk to her.
Answering: How are you?
-probably a lie
-will have you ask “how are you” in return
-incites follow-up questions
-allows to answer follow-up questions with “that’s confidential” too 😀
If I see under 30s getting married, I want to kiss them for their optimism and punch them for their stupidity.