when you try to move in a video game but you accidentalyl have the chat box open
ME: Not all heroes eat crepes.
HIM: It’s “Not all heroes wear capes.”
ME: Oh, so do all heroes eat crepes?
ME: Then shut up.
You Might Also Like
Today I watched a meteor shower until it angrily pulled the curtains closed and yelled at me to stop peeping.
[egg hatches and a duck billed platypus pops out]
Daddy duck: WHAT THE ACTUAL FU
Otter: Clive, now, calm down, lemme explain.
Me: Dont you hate it when you enter a room and then forget what you came in for? Haha.
Patient on the operating table: Can I have some other surgeon please?
If Bugs Bunny was as sarcastic in real life as he was in the cartoons I’d be like, “HOLY SHIT A TALKING RABBIT!”
Offering $50 and a case of beer to anyone who can take out my alarm clock and make it look like an accident.
One time I saw a biker’s funeral procession and realized even dead people are cooler than me.
The Proclaimers claim they would walk 500 miles, only offering 500 more after the fact simply to exceed predetermined expectations.
Vanessa Carlton, on the other hand, offers the full 1000 miles up front in one lump sum, even AFTER making her way downtown.
In this essay, I will
How come cats make the only sexy Halloween costumes? What’s wrong with a sexy llama or a sexy sloth or something?
“I’d hit that!” — me gazing at rock bottom