person is typing person is typing person is typing person is typing person is typing person is typing person is typing person: hi
Me: Not to brag but I know all of them by name.
Them: Well, they are your children; both of them.
You Might Also Like
700 people a year die falling down stairs that’s why my house only has slides
Hillary Duff is short for Hillarious Dufflebag
Gyms are open !
Just finished an intense workout session! (sitting in a gym judging one person for the past 2 hours)
John: There are places…
Paul: I remember
George: All my life, though…
Ringo: How can antibiotics and pro-biotics both be good for you
if Disney has taught us anything it’s that if you’re a girl who reads books, you will eventually fall in love with a water buffalo
“What’s your greatest weakness?”
“Umm ok, how about strengths?”
*pouring him a shot* Sharing
[playing limbo at Gary’s house]
GARY: how low can you go?
*i sleep with Gary’s wife*
GARY: wow, that is pretty low
Me: Can you bring back Prince?
Genie: I can’t bring people back.
Me: Okay how about make it so my back never hurts again?
Genie: Who was that dead guy again?