Today I was asked why we should bother paying interns if they’re “getting experience for their résumé.”
Here’s what we have say about that:
Me: Oh, I’m sorry. Is the sacrifice I made for 9 months not enough? Sharing my body and nourishing a child twice didn’t prove my level of unselfishness? Why must I constantly give and give and-
Husband: JUST LEAVE THE LAST TWO WAFFLES FOR THE KIDS YOU’VE ALREADY HAD 8
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7: I’m beating you!
7: I’m way ahead!
Me: I see that.
7: I’m gonna win!
My son on the carousel horse in front of me.
sad day today because:
1. my fish in the aquarium is missing.
2. my cat won’t eat his dinner.
Her: Call me names.
Me: *panicking* Lord Farquaad-
Just reported a car stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the window were white
I want a sex change.
From “none” to “some”.
There’s a fly in the den so my cat is reenacting the Matrix
My coworker read some fake Facebook thing saying vitamin C is the cure for the virus. He’s been drinking 3 large glasses of milk per day for the last 9 days. I haven’t had the heart to tell him orange juice is the one with vitamin C
Shout out to the people who deleted their twitter accounts on New Years, see you in a few days
Wow, I must look really hot tonight working out, everyone is totally staring at me.
*walking on treadmill with a candy bar and a Pepsi