@steeve_again

Me: [on mars] *opening bag of chips*

My dog: *blasts off from earth*

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@UnFitz

I have an irrational fear that I’m accidentally making up words. I don’t want to be misunderstandable.

@dyldonot

“any questions for Mr. deGrasse Tyson?”
[I knock over an old woman while sprinting to the mic]
HOW DOES AIR CONDITIONING WORK IN SPACE?

@ashleyaustrew

“I don’t know the government, and I’m not giving them any of my coins.” – my 4yo after I explained taxes

@Marlebean

*Takes one bite from every item in the work refrigerator*

@thatUPSdude

Thanksgiving,

A time gather around with your family, and realize why you only allow them in your house once a year.

@lilgapeach30

Siri just said I’m looking for love in all the wrong places so I’m tryin to figure out what happened to Siri and how my mom got in my phone.