me on tinder:
– im a joker
– im a smoker
– im a midnight toker
– get my lovin on the run

Me on LinkedIn:
– Copywriter
– Habit-oriented
– Studied philosophy
– Comfortable with hard work in fast paced environments

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The only thing we have to fear is fear itselfnnANDnnWhen a women asks if you notice anything different


Always carry a newspaper or magazine so you appear to be preoccupied. – stalker handbook page 2 paragraph 3


I lost all my drafts in the last update. Twitter did you all a favor.


so awkward when the bill for the wall comes out and no one reaches for it


I’m beginning to think that a woman calling another woman hun or sweetie is not a term of endearment.


Someone needs to tell Madonna you can’t call it “Girls Gone Wild” when you’re a 100.


If my 3YO’s fortune was “you will eat the paper inside the cookie and then cry about it for 2 hrs,” this Chinese restaurant is VERY accurate


[yelling at a maple tree] Release your pancake sauce to me you piece of shit


I’ve just realised that I’ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.


Narrator: We’ve replaced her mace with Axe body spray…let’s watch

[camera zooms in]

Woman: *SPRAYS purse snatcher in his face*

Him: AHHHHHHHHHHhhhey girl, whassup? *winks*