@JennyJohnsonHi5: My Mormon neighbor said it was rude I assumed her husband's surprise birthday party invitation was also an invitation to be her sister wife.

@Manda_like_wine: Just passed a mum with her little girl, no older than 7, who was crying over a skinned knee. Mum: I don't think we need to cry over this anymore. Little girl, still crying: This is in NO WAY a WE situation.

@TheAndrewNadeau: [Exit interview] HR: So, where do you think you went wrong? GUY WHO LET THE BIG WOOD HORSE INTO TROY:

@Lisabug74: I asked Mom how she’d like me to honor her when the time came. She replied, "What makes you think I'm going out first?"

@MorganCO_B: Women like men with an accent, not an Axe scent