Me: Mmm…I love your milky white skin.
Him: Ma’am are you registered for this class?
Him: Step away from the CPR doll and sit down.
me: pls don’t do that
kids: [do it anyway]
me: I told you not to do that
kids: are you new
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I hate the future
I don’t mean to alarm anyone but the Winchesters are retiring this year and Pestilence just rode in on a white horse.
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(getting into a hot tub full of people) i guess we’re making some people soup huh gang
Never pee with the door open, it totally freaks out the other motorists.
Cyndi Lauper: “Girls just want to have fun.”
Me: “Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.”
Dressing up as the grim reaper while at work in the ER is not amusing says HR. So uptight.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like “Ugh, tourists”.