Me *pouring coffee* are you going to work today?

Windows Explorer: who knows lol

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Lockdown was an unfortunate time for the launch of my party supplies business. I’ve got more unsold piñatas than you can shake a stick at.


HI MOM. YOU’RE GONNA BE SO PROUD. I JUST WON AN ARGUMENT ON THE INTERNET. Sorry caps lock was still on from the argument. But I won.


I like my wedding soup made with real bickering.


With everyone here having multiple personalities, you’d think we’d collectively get more done.


My biggest regret of 2014?

Probably when my husband watched “The Notebook” with me and then I yelled at him for not building me a house


Me: I love it when you call me señorita *kisses neck* I wish I could pretend I didn’t need ya.

Liquor Store Clerk: Please get your mouth off of the wine bottle until you’ve paid for it.


I think illegal drugs are just the government trying to teach the metric system on the sly.