@dril
ISSUE: is the road runner wile e coyote’s son
FOR: thhey, seem to respect each other, on some level
AGAINST: one of them is a dog
@LlamaInaTux
Me: release the kraken!
Friend: what’s a kraken?
Me: Not much what’s a kraken with you? lol. no but seriously a lot of people are going to die.
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@dril
@thequeensheart
I just found a marshmallow Santa in my desk drawer, I’m guessing I shouldn’t eat it.
*wipes chocolate from mouth
@GoldenSpirals
“STOP COPYING ME!”
I yell, as my car spins out of control.
@lawking30
She asked for my name, if I’m alone, had me remove belt/shoes & take out what I have in my pants. Interactions w/TSA agents are underrated.
@crunchenhancer
A leaf blower, but for people.
@wienerherzog
The Goonies went looking for pirate treasure and ended up finding the greatest treasure of all: pirate treasure.
@0point5twins
QUESTIONNAIRE
Do you need glasses?
[ ] Yes
[ ] NoX
@samalmightysam
”I want to ruin some songs today.” -The producers of Glee every morning.
@DaddyJew
Parent: my child’s reading at a 3rd grade level, what reading level is your son at?
Me: he knows some curse words but not all of them yet
@ClichedOut
“Opps” is my favorite typo because it suggests the thrill of a secret counterinsurgency.