Our vision of Hell doesn’t come from the Bible; it’s a composite drawn from fictional sources like The Divine Comedy and Paradise Lost. Fearing Hell is tantamount to fearing the plot of a Stephen King novel.
WAITRESS: Is that a no on dessert?
me: *responds maybe to a fb event*
wife: [from the other room] YOU’RE GOING TO OUR SON’S BIRTHDAY
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Apparently, occupants aren’t 8 legged pants for octopi
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but left because it was just one ting after another.
me: is there anything i can do about my dry skin
me: hi is there anything i can do about my dry skin
A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. “Stop being an idiot,” said one wife who lives in my house.
The British are coming! The British are coming! The British have to get up early! The British swear they’ll call you in the morning!
My sons consider “it’s bedtime” my first offer in the negotiation process
Important new ad I stuck up in town today. Experts only, please.
*Paper beats rock*
*Paper beats eggs*
*Paper beats his girlfriend*
*Paper beats his three year old*
I just danced in front of my cat and he yawned.