Every Scooby-Doo mystery could be solved by asking, “1: Who is your most disgruntled employee?” and “2: Does he have access to a mask shop?”
me: [selects “send verification code as text” on a website]
me three seconds later: oh boy a tex mesage
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[gets down on one knee]
[gets down on two knees]
[gets down on third knee]
If you’re offended by anything on my TL, whatever you do, do not look at the rest of the internet.
judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison
my lawyer: your honor my client respectfully requests a year be added to his sentence
No member of any family has the same interpretation of the sentence “We need to leave in ten minutes.”
Me: what is my final challenge
Me: oh no
Dragon: spell necessary
Me: OH NO
WOMAN: some people shouldn’t have children
ME: [placing my screaming son in her shopping cart] thank you
*tosses incriminating letter into the fireplace*
ME: will someone please light a fire in this fireplace
Not to brag but at the last family reunion I didn’t talk to a single person.
No idea whose family it was. Lots of beer though.