@ArfMeasures
SKETCH ARTIST: *holds up drawing of a single bit of straw*
CAMEL: [in a wheelchair, tears in his eyes] That’s him!
@notmythirdrodeo
me: so, they’re called LEGO for one or LEGO no matter how many there are, and someone just arbitrarily decided LEGO would be singular and plural?
moose: I hear ya.
2 moose: preach.
You Might Also Like
@ArfMeasures
@YearOfRat
I wanna be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
@awescar
Why is the gynecologist tool called a speculum and not a “snatchula”?
@justmiche74
If you guys don’t hear from me for the next 72hrs, no worries, I’ll just be stirring risotto
@garrettbarry70
Just shook a piece of cellophane off my finger and now I’m exhausted.
@rockymomax
MORGAN FREEMAN: I’m here to narrate your life
ME: cool!
[2 hrs later]
MF: he’s still trying to figure out the childproof cap on his Tylenol
@Nips_00
I love drinking games…. except the one where you have to try to walk a straight line while saying the ABCs backwards
@maxhaarhaus
Interviewer: it says here your interests include connecting people
Me: correcting people, actually
I: no it’s-
Me: i know what it says
@AndyAsAdjective
This is probably a controversial take but I think the sanitation worker responsible for garbage collection on Sesame Street should be fired.
@rcromwell4
“Then, the handsome prince sees her dead body laying there and has to kiss her.”
“Ummm, what?”
“Trust me, the kids will love it.”