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Welcome to Backhanded Compliment Club, it’s so nice to meet people who don’t care how they look


You don’t have to say “I love you too,” pizza man.

But it was nice of you.


OJ Simpson now has a Twitter Account. I’m sure he’ll kill it here


my signature move is called “the Mouse,” where I run around the dance floor wearing nothing but a tampon


*walking away from the big rap battle*
“How did he know that I’m lactose intolerant?”


Perhaps Charles Manson is a selfless lover.

YOU don’t know.



Dating: Bless you
Engaged: You’re adorable
Married: We need to talk


*turns on internet*
computor, i need to take a break from trying to achieve one thing. show me all of the achievments of others all at once


mario, from under the sink: yeah i see the problem, you got living mushrooms and turtles walking around in here. jesus buddy you got multiple castles back here. i’m gonna have to fight a dragon


*sees neighbors bringing in KFC

*knocks on door

Have you seen my dog she got out *teary eyed

Neighbor: Aw. No, but if there’s-

Some KFC?