@Smooheed

Me: Sorry can’t come over, I’m snowed in
MIL: But it’s the middle of summer
Me: snowed in
MIL: and hot
Me: snowed in
MIL: it sum…
Me: SNOW

You Might Also Like

@trevso_electric

Filming my own version of “Taken” using cats. My cat will play Liam Neeson and the red dot from a laser pointer is his daughter.

@WritePlay

*dog barks at absolutely everything, every time*

Me: SHUT UP

*dog barks at burglar, one time*

Me: It’s like he just knew there was danger

@unravelingfire

Do hairy people get bed head all over?

Ma’am, I just called to see if you’re happy with your cell phone provider. But probably they do.

@bggas400

Who the hell came up with ‘prolly’ for probably?

@thatUPSdude

My friend told me his wife talks a lot in her sleep

“I know” was probably not the right answer

@JennyJohnsonHi5

Girl from my high school posted on Facebook that she got a “constellation prize” at a church carnival yesterday. She skipped school a lot.

@Laser_Cat

“Does anybody in the car have a heart condition?” I ask as I slide my Smash Mouth CD into the radio.

@abbycohenwl

Woman: Ever since my mom passed, I think she’s watching over me
Mom’s Ghost: Yeah, that is the kind of stupid thing you’d believe