what do we want
LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES
when do we want them
ME [struggling]: skinny jeans, skinny jeans, let me in
SCARED DENIM: don’t come back till you’re thinny, thin, thin
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I don’t understand why everyone is so passionate about sports; it’s all just bullsh – HEY! YOU! NO! DARTH VADER DOES NOT HAVE A GREEN SABER!
“I live as a mountain man because I enjoy the isolation and I hate people. Film crews are cool though.” – Mountain Men on History Channel
Why is it when you tell someone you had a dream about them they assume sex? Like no dude, I killed you
Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.
My grandfather wanted to stay fit when he turned 60 so he decided to start running a mile a day. He’s 65 now and we don’t know where he is.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
maybe amazon should keep their opinions to themselves
Someone: describe your sex life in two words.
Me: my what?
when horses drive past a field of people they say “people”