@bornmiserable: [me, taking a drug test at work] the company didn't specify which drugs we had to take to prepare for this, so I took them all
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@too_chihuahua: Dad I'm gay *Dad rips newspaper* "WHAT" I like guys dad "Oh thank god. I thought you were happy for a second"
@offbeatoliv: Underage me: pretends to be sick so I can sneak out window to go to a party Older me: pretends to be sick so I don’t have to go to a party
@P1ssed_K1d: My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I still don't know how much she charges him though