You don’t want to see me when you’re angry.
me: [tells joke]
son: I don’t get it
me: well ur mom told me a joke once and it took me 9 months to get it
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Doctor said I got this skin rash from an unusually high intake of cream & chocolate. Said it’s the worst case of Cadbury Eggsama he’s seen.
OK, if you get to refer to your favorite football team as “we,” then I definitely get to refer to the cast of Friends as “we.”
Columbus: I claim this cake for Spain.
Also these Slim Jims are for Spain, too.
And maybe the
me: dude, that’s my mom’s cassero-
Him: I love nerd girls
Me: Cool! Did you know the human body can’t feel water, only a change in temperature?
Him: no. not like that.
A good game for if you’re staying in tonight
Him: What are your interests?
Me: Guns, knives, blood, drugs, cemeteries…
Wait! Where are you going? We still have 3 min
mom: no TV for a week!
dad: and after you take a bath you can’t use your hands to get out of the tub
*sons jaw drops*
mom: [whispers] nice
Stop trying to make small talk with me in an elevator. It’s 2013. Stare at your phone like a normal person
Do not levitate over flowers