Noah: A boat?
Noah: Two of every animal?
Noah: I have a better idea.
Noah: Maybe don’t kill everyone.
Me: Thank you for rescuing me from such a desperate situation.
Hubs: Again, hitting the wrong button on the remote is not a “desperate situation.”
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Stupidity is dangerous, and thanks to social media we have managed to weaponize it.
Sometimes you need a little distance to see things clearly, but other times it is obviously a bear and you should probably just run
•a lion stalks a fawn•
•a man steps out from behind tree•
I’m Chris Hansen from NBCs to catch a predator, do u know how old that deer is?
Be the reason they have to add a section about roller skates to the employee handbook.
My husband got barbecue sauce on my mom’s favorite white tablecloth. For five whole minutes I wasn’t the biggest disappointment in her life.
usher: bride or groom
me: just a guest
usher: no which are you here for
me: neither I’m married
I’m glad humans don’t do the combo breed names like Labradoodle. I wouldn’t want to tell people I’m Germish.
No thanks Olive Garden, the last place I wanna eat is somewhere that treats me like family.
Smart of them to call it cookies I mean who’s gonna decline cookies? If they’d said this site uses snakes people would be like aw hell naw