Manslaughter. The sound of a man laughing?
Me, the boss: The most important part of your job is to not distract me by naming different kinds of delicious sausage.
New Guy: No problem. And do we-?
Me: Thats it! You’re fired!
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Biden: we could call it “Real Talk With Joebama”
Obama: do you even know how to make a podcast, Joe?
My husband is taking me to a scenic bridge today so i guess this is goodbye
ME: But Lord, what about the times I saw only one set of footprints in the sand?
JESUS: You know what, stop trying to be some kind of beach detective
My phone dies quicker than the black guy in a horror movie.
[looks over neighbour’s fence while he’s in the pool]
“Dude, we get it. You can hold your breath for [looks at watch] 19 days.”
I bet you 5390.24$ you can’t guess how much money I owe my parents.
If there isn’t a Chinese millionaire called ‘Cha Ching’ I will be so disappointed.
It’s ok phone, I too have insufficient memory
Demi Lovato is my favorite singer that is half human, half Lovato.