@amandajpanda: Me: The house is clean!
Kid: Hold my juice box!
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@AnniemuMary: Sure a sense of humor is important but marry you somebody who knows plumbing bc that's forever.
@Versacheetos: Kim - Where is North West? Kanye - *takes out compass* Kim - I mean my baby! Kanye - I'm right here. Kim - Jesus Kanye! Kanye - Yeezus*
@daemonic3: [taking a hearing test] DR: Ok, now tell me what you heard ME: I heard your wife cheats on you with the neighbor while you're at work DR: [tears forming] I meant what beeps and tones
@BunAndLeggings: Me: pass me that cup Kid: *gives me cup* Me: I didn't say simon says haha [Later] Me: PASS... MY... INHALER Kid: not falling for that again