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@ObscureGent: Me: This milk tastes funny
Lactating clown: Thank you
@KeetPotato: "if you could be any animal what would you be"
"why a cat"
[imagines being a complete shithead for literally no reason]
naps and stuff
@Thereeveryday: One day, the fridge will take revenge on me, every half hour opening the door to my room, staring at me for a few minutes & then walk away.
@hippieswordfish: ME: *opens planner and puts on reading glasses* no im sorry looks like i can't make it
FRIEND: you're holding a VCR warranty brochure
@tangledteatime: Me: Alright. Does everyone have their parachutes?
Dave who sometimes lies for fun: *giggling* Yah.
@tweetsbyrocket: me getting out of time machine i did it
wife did what
me i killed the guy who invented punctuation