You’re not a mistake.
Mistakes can be fixed.
Me: [throwing another failed entree onto the floor] make it again!
Stuart Little: please, i’m not who you think i am my name is stu-
Me: [grabbing him by his tiny shirt] make it again rat chef
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I don’t believe in gender equality because there are just some things I’m not meant to do. Like be the sane one in a relationship.
I got fired today
“you have no idea?”
“I’m confused when did this happen?”
between pre break break and break
Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.
thanks, but I’M TOO FAR AWAY FOR YOU TO BE HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS STOP IT
[ quarantine, day 46 ]
me: this boredom is unbearable
my cat: ffs have you even tried getting into a box too smol for you
If there’s a “Mr.” in front of your cat’s name you’re going to die alone.
ME: Who’s my little sex kitten?
HER: *slowly pushes me off bed*
ME: [from floor] That’s right baby.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn’t 6 hours long.