We decided to name our unborn child something that represents where it was conceived.
Only 7 more months until baby Uber is born!
Me: *to dog* what should I wear today bud?
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Guys, I came of age in the 1970s, when people picked up and murdered hitchhikers, so I didn’t realize that murdering hitchhikers was wrong
What if we misunderstood the expression? What if it’s not time that heals all wounds but thyme, the herb, that holds mystical healing powers? And all this time God has been shouting from heaven “You idiots! Just sprinkle thyme on it!!”
Wouldn’t that be something?
My 4yo held up her toy phone and announced she had “an important call to make.”
So I made sure to stay really quiet for a min because, respect.
Then I blasted the TV, begged for snacks, slammed doors & screamed “NOOOO” because, retribution.
LINCOLN: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.
TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE DOING SWIMMING UPSTREAM LAST WEEK
Sensible dad: I’d like to buy 3 ‘fleeks’ & 7 ‘swags’ for my son.
“Sir this is Urban Outfitters”
Do you have any ‘baes’?
I’m off to the store
got your wallet?
*hour later wife turns on news and I’m being chased by 6 cop cars and a helicopter*
I love all my family members and wouldn’t sell them at any price.
But just for the sake of conversation, give me a ballpark figure.