My ex GF turned out to be anorexic. Gradually I just saw less and less of her.
ME *traps wasp under a cup*
MAGICIAN GHOST WHO HAUNTS ME *appears & sets down 2 more cups*
MAGICIAN GHOST *starts to shuffle them*
You Might Also Like
little girl: he was a gift
horse dentist: then I cannot help you
I stopped using a CONDOM after NIVEA started offering 48 Hours protection
Why protect myself Twice?😕😒
[email protected] Ricky, if you can get Twitter to verify me, you will be the first atheist allowed into heaven.
Q: If you could be any animal, which one would you be?
A: The drummer from the Muppets, next question.
HER: it’s so romantic when the power goes out
ME: listen if we don’t eat all this ground beef we’ll have to throw it out
FRIEND: Wow you have bought A LOT of frozen food
ME: I like to plan ahead
FRIEND: But you haven’t got a freezer
ME: I’m a terrible planner
No matter how often I scream METALLICA in the poolside DJ’s face I don’t think he’s going to play them. Here come the police they’ll help me
Neighbors of serial killers always describe them as “really nice” people.
Who else is a “really nice” neighbor?
I’m just sayin’
Him: So whattayou wanna do?
Her: I dunno
Him: So…You wanna play video games?
Him: So…You wanna watch me play video games?