This is the tale of Callie who started a service to provide fortune telling and hypnotism while driving people around. As time went on her clairvoyance weakened but her suggestive power grew.
Uber Callie fragile mystic expert at hypnosis
Me: tries to sleep
B: if one synchronized swimmer drowns do the others have to drown too?
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A guy just said he wants to know what I got “in the trunk”
I told him duct tape, a shovel and rapid decomposition powder
Flirting is hard
Priest: I will now dip the child in the Holy Water
Me (just watched a hot dog eating contest): That makes em go down your throat faster
Problem: I hate peeing alone, sleeping, & nobody talks to me about random nonsense
Can I get an amen?
Can I get a b-men?
Can I get a c-men?
CME–*the whole church laughs*
Pretty sure Dora goes on crazy adventures with a monkey because her mom is on Twitter.
I want my tombstone to just say “You should see the other guy” on it
I spent my time preparing a home cooked dinner and placed it in front of the kids who asked for something different, and laughed. Then I laughed. Then we laughed. Then I spoke in a voice not of this world & everyone ate their damn dinner.
Nothing like suddenly seeing a spider on the ceiling to make you realize you don’t need a nap anyway.