[God making humans]
*watches YouTube video*
“Okay, got it!”
me: “we commemorate the day you died every year”
jesus: “thats nice, what’s the day called?”
me: “bad friday”
You Might Also Like
Me: What kind of tools do I need to make a cake?
Him: The fact that you’re calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.
I used to watch the Olympics on TV as a child and dream of growing up and also watching the Olympics on TV but on a better TV.
I’m wearing a push-up bra and can still only do 3 push-ups. Would not recommend.
That will be $6.34, and would you like to donate a dollar to the children’s hospital or do you prefer being judged by a Taco Bell employee?
wife: u should’ve paid more attention in school
me: what why
wife: u brought home the wrong kids
I’m “my wife will just leave me behind if I loiter too long at Target” years married.
Why did the US invade Iraq when Steven Seagal’s ponytail contains 85% of the worlds natural resources?
I told my husband I didn’t want a grilled cheese when he was making one and now I want a grilled cheese. What do I do?
Him: Don’t be nervous. Take a deep breath.
Me: Can’t. I’m wearing three pairs of Spanx.