@fro_vo
[spelling bee]
Your word is “redacted”
can you use it in a sentence?
The ?? ???? is ????? ???? and ?? ????.
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@fro_vo
@notacroc
[getting my license]
Me: *points at gas gauge* the car just ate so we have to wait 30 minutes
Instructor: *unclicks seatbelt*
@noodlegrip
*learning that school is unlikely to reopen*
@BatBatshitcrazy
Don’t hate me because I have an entire drawer in my fridge dedicated to cheese, hate me because it’s organized according to expiration date.
@TheToddWilliams
[dinner, my place]
“This tastes like pork?”
ME: You asked for a nice swine
“No, a nice wine”
ME: Oh, okay…you still want the crap cakes?
@Divergentmama
Me: when I was your age, I had to dial *69 to see who called me
My teenage son: nice
@HatfieldAnne
“Service Dog, Do Not Pet.” We’re sure this means me? Should we ask the dog? We should ask the dog.
@CherBear162
Well Officer..we didn’t have a bottle so that dead guy over there..
“Him?”
No the other dead guy..suggested “Spin The .44”..And I WON!
@nachdermas
my favorite 15th century artist? definitely uh [thinking of the ninja turtles but trying to not pick an obvious one] master splinter
@tangledteatime
Me: Am I your only friend?
Imaginary friend: Sure are!
Imaginary friend’s imaginary friend: Wow, I’m right here.