I find the best way to deal with death is not to be the person who is dead.
Me: WHAT DO WE WANT?!
Me (whispering): Grandma back.
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Me, age 30: *scrolling*
Me, age 37: *finally finds the recipe at the end*
Aw look he’s about to say his first words!
*baby opens mouth*
Here it comes!
What flavor is the milkshake? How far away is the yard? How could you know its better than mine? You seem, frankly, a bit overconfident.
Friend: Women like a little rebellion in a guy
Her: So, tell me about your day?
Me: I don’t have to tell you shit
Friend: How many calories does heartache burn?
Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.