For a mountain to be called Kilimanjaro, it needs to kill at least 1 manjaro.
Me: What makes you think I have trouble letting go?
Her: You woke me up at 3am to ask that?
You Might Also Like
My kids say I need to stop trying to embarrass them but joke’s on them because I’m not even trying.
My Fitbit said I took 25 steps today…
maybe if I move my recliner closer to the bathroom, I be able to cut my steps in half !
Her: We really need to do something about global warming
Me: Yes, I agree *takes a sip of Fiji water that has been flown halfway across the planet*
I don’t sit crossed legged to be classy, I’m holding my tampon in
It must be almost impossible for chalk-outline guys not to turn victims’ hands into turkeys this time of year.
Letting the grocery bagger bring my groceries out sounds nice but I can’t handle trying to remember where I parked in front of a stranger.
[end of interview]
Any questions for me?
Yes. Why didn’t the glass slipper also disappear at midnight?
YOU ARE SO HIRED.
I want to get arrested by a motorcycle cop just so I can hold him tenderly around the waist on my way to jail.
Genie: *facepalm* And your final wish?
Me: To not have Alzheimers anymore
*looks at two lifetime supplies of skittles*
Genie: Probably should have opened with that