The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
Me: What’s the suite number on that address?
8: It just says “Hashtag 301.”
Me: Before hashtags were born, those were called number signs.
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My coworker was like “I love kids! Can’t finish a whole one by myself though hahaha!” And I was just like wow I could easily eat like 5.
if you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape
All computer hackers have to say “We’re in” when they get into “the system”
Coffee: Because when you’re groggy and barely coherent, the first thing you should do is handle a scalding hot cup of liquid.
“WAIT!” I screamed at my daughter as she typed Y-O-U on my computer but miraculously the autocomplete added “TUBE” so yeah, God exists.
Me: I just shattered the gravy boat.
911: She’ll kill you.
M: I know.
911: We never spoke.
911: Good luck
* Click *
Me: [On Mars] *opening a bag of chips*
My Dog: *blasts off from earth*
No I don’t want to watch the video on your phone. My phone doesn’t like me looking at other phones.
I snuck into a field to get milk straight from the source. I had no idea it took so long to milk a cow. Maybe because it only had one udder.