Surprise parties for Lindsey Lohan probably have that “Intervention-y” feeling at first.
Me: What’s your favorite color?
Him: That depends. What is the color of your eyes?
Me: Awww. You are so sweet. Green.
Him: I love blue.
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The Five Stages of Christmas Shopping Grief:
– strong language
– moderate violence
– a lifetime ban from Toys R Us
Once when I had a broken toe, my mom told me to walk it off. When Princess Di died, she sobbed for a day.
The real criminals are the recipes that suggest using apple sauce instead of butter
If anyone can remember the jokes from Popsicle sticks, I’ll be exposed for the fraud I am
Doctor: I’m sorry son, it appears you have… Jenga-itis
Me: [trying to pull the doctor’s shoes off without him falling over] is it bad?
Superman finally decides, after realizing an entire city of people is duped by a pair of glasses, that Metropolis really isn’t worth saving.
funny that they call it a bell pepper, and yet the onion rings
This Venn guy was sure bad at drawing circles next to each other
Bob from work or Bob THE HARBINGER OF DEATH
*an icy wind blows as black clouds consume the sky*
“Bob from work”