@Sophie2078

Me: What’s your favorite color?
Him: That depends. What is the color of your eyes?
Me: Awww. You are so sweet. Green.
Him: I love blue.

You Might Also Like

@sammyrhodes

Do they make a scale that says things like “Those shorts probably weigh, what, like 15 pounds?”

@murfect

*gets hit by car*
Friend: HOLY SHIT ARE YOU OKAY?
Me: I need.. My phone.. Please..
*opens Twitter*
Me:YALL WON’T BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED

@just1fool

If I’m going to be in your dreams tonight please let me know so I can stuff some socks down the front of my pants.

@Browtweaten

Mouse astronaut, six seconds after setting foot on the moon: I have been lied to

@causticbob

Just heard that someone has started digging Fidel Castro’s grave..

Must be a communist plot.

@ThRealBallsDeep

I wonder if the guy I’m interviewing knows this isn’t for a cologne model position.

@TheBoydP

Protip: If your wife says the cord on the vacuum cleaner is too short, it doesn’t mean she’s asking for an extension cord for her birthday.