Thank you automatic ice dispenser.
I was hoping to get either 2 or 675 ice cubes.
me: when can i get on the barbell
gym guy: sorry it’s a long wait
me: i know what it is
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ron weasley: i have to use old books
harry potter: wow
ron: and torn up shitty clothes
harry: yuck lol
ron: would be crazy if my best friend had a vault full of gold and could maybe help me out a little
harry: ya lmao that would be crazy
How did that guy know he went through the desert on a horse with no name? Did he try asking the horse? Was he aware that it was probably his job to assign a name if there was not already one in place? A lot of things don’t add up here.
You don’t need to write “imo”. Nobody is confusing your tweets with Nietzsche.
sure we’re surviving 2019
but at what cost
(scientists naming weird spiny thing in a bush)
Scientist 1: This thing sucks
Scientist 2: Yeah!
S1: It’s hogging all the hedges!
(my first day in customer service)
Caller: I can’t understand you.
Caller’s wife: Omg that’s so rude! That’s her accent and she…
Me: *talking with huge bite of peanut butter sandwich in my mouth*
“Maweee ty ushin the ower off n on”
I smoked a pack of cigarettes in 6 hrs, I don’t think your kale will save me.
I like my coffee like I like my slaves.
Free, you racist.
New Joker looks like he has the Memento disease and needs a bunch of tattoos to remind him he’s the Joker.